I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
