you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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