Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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