that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
