Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Ketchup is God's man juice
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize