Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
