forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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