I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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