I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
