So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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