The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
