flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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