I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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