I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
