Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
