My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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