he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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