Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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