Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
