Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
