He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
