I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
