I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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