highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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