the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
