I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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