I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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