I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize