Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
