what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
