Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
