Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
