i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
