I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize