I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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