I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
