How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
