I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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