I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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