Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
try to milk me bitch
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