God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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