And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
