Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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