why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
