Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
