i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize