we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She bit a glass in half.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
