my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
