Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
