I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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