Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
