Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize