I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Randomize
