Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
