My room smells like vodka and shame
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
