the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
