guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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