My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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