There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
