my mouth tastes like poor choices
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize