I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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