Bisexual people are plain selfish.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
