I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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