Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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