Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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