i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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