I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
