basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
