I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
they need to just BURY HIM!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
