I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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