You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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