I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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