Cold hands, warm shart.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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