The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
