i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
