12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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