No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize